It scares me learning what fall in love after not permitting myself to have it because that so lengthy did to me. The blinded me. It dilute what i had constantly seen together my best accomplishment: gift a mother.

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The guilt consumes me once I think around it because culture teaches united state that as mothers we must put ourself last. That scares me understanding if I would certainly have involved him in my kid’s lives, lock would have seen how happy and different ns was through him and also wanted him roughly more, never ever knowing how he wished lock away before he also met them.


On the first date, us both knew it was different, we both felt it — we simply clicked.

By the 3rd date, that told me he never ever wanted anything to perform with my kids.

“Having an instant household is no what i imagined or want for myself.”


At the moment I no care; the last point I was looking for was something serious after just gaining out of a seven-year relationship, in which I offered birth in ~ the ripe, young age of 20.

But he to be fun and sweet, and he maintained up v my crazy humor. I want more.

It was the start to a long end for us. His honesty feel admirable and hurtful at the same time. However still, it felt like he was being much much more forthcoming 보다 I would have actually been.


When he said, “I expect you don’t intend me to ever adjust my mind,” ns was shocked in ~ his willingness come come forward so early because ns knew the felt together strongly together I did. I am guilty of gift selfish, and I probably wouldn’t have lugged it increase if he had been the one through kids.

He was 31, never married, and also looking because that a mam — who didn"t have youngsters already. Over there was push from his household to begin his own, and also pressure within himself to rush up. Ns think the went out v me in in between other dates, reasoning he would be able to move on quickly when the time came, reasoning I"d be just one more girl the didn’t host his interest.

We both couldn’t have actually been much more wrong.

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After we damaged up, he asked if we could still talk since being there is no me made him miserable. He want to cut his misery in half by cutting my heart in half. Instead, he was expecting me to remain in his life while he searched for someone new to relocate on with.

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When the told me he interpreted that ns didn’t desire to view him and also that the didn’t want me come hurt any much more than I currently was, however still dubbed me every work expecting me to it is in there because that him, ns realized this isn’t real love. This to be selfish love. One-sided love.